Journal: Most Recent Entries

Okay, I've got this neighbor who's making me nuts.

When we moved in on New Year's Day, I noticed it. Like many people in the area, the guy across the street had a flag posted on his eaves. Unlike everybody else, though, he was flying his flag upside-down.

We thought that it might be a mistake, and watched the flag to see if it would be fixed. It wasn't. I've actually met the guy, though I don't know his name. He seems like a nice enough dude. His kids go to school with my kids. He and his wife are both smokers, and they're often outside late at night, puffing away. That doesn't make them bad people. But what they're doing with the U.S. flag does.

That flag was up from the day we moved in, through winter, spring and summer. I watched as the flag got rattier and rattier. The stripes all came apart, the ends frayed. The white stars and stripes got dingy and gray. And of course, it was still upside-down.

In mid-September, when I could stand it no longer, I did some research. There's a state law on the books that makes it a class 2 misdemeanor to publicly degrade a "venerated object" like a flag or a cross. I collected the federal flag display code, along with the state law, and printed it all out with the following note:

Dear Neighbor:

Please read the attached, paying special attention to the sections highlighted in red. Your continued display of a ragged, upside-down US flag is not just offensive and unpatriotic, it’s also a violation of both federal and state laws. According to Arizona statute 13-3703 ("Abuse of venerated objects"), your actions constitute a class 2 misdemeanor. If reported to the authorities, this offense is punishable by a fine, imprisonment, or both.

If you can’t display the flag correctly, please don’t display it at all.

--A Citizen

I left the note where my dear neighbor would see it, and waited. A few days later, he replaced red, white and blue rag with a brand new flag. And it was upside-down.

Last Friday, I finally did something I've been meaning to do for a long time. I called the police. The first officer I spoke to was very understanding, and had a lot to say about people who desecrate the flag. He took my name and cell number, and promised to send an officer out to my neighbor's place when one was available.

A few minutes later, I got a call from a supervising officer. He said, "I'd like to send someone out to do something about that flag, but I can't, because the Supreme Court says he can do whatever he wants to the flag." This officer told me that he had dozens of officers who had just returned from Iraq who would like nothing better than to go over and cuff my neighbor and throw him in jail for an overnight stay. But no soap -- the Ruth Bader and the Supremes said it's okay to wipe your ass with our country's colors.

With a sigh, the officer told me, "We can't do anything about this idiot." He did point out, though that we should all keep voting Republican, so Bush can have a majority to help him replace all of the Supremes who are getting old and ready to either die or retire. He also said he'd tip off his officers, and "if one of them catches this neighbor doing some illegal parking or something like that, then so be it." It was an interesting conversation to have with an officer of the law.

Now I get to decide what to do (if anything) about my dear neighbor. "Avenger's Handbook," anyone? If I do decide to act, you can be sure I won't post my exploits here.